Your day-to-day life of having a career, family, and dealing with an economic crunch, can take its toll on your self-esteem. It’s not easy having uncertainty on what to do next. There’s hope. Making the conscious decision to improve your state of mind is the first step. How do I build my self-esteem and feeling great while doing it?

Listed below are seven things that will allow your self-esteem to soar! These seven things will allow you the opportunity to develop motivational potential through affirmation and self-reflection in areas such as: communication, positive thinking and goal setting. These are helpful tools for moving toward one’s interests, goals and motivational possibilities.

Social Skills:
Having good social skills are important and lead us to maintain a successful life. Without these skills, we would not understand how to make the right choices, how to act, or how to treat others. When you have good social skills the possibilities are endless as far as being able to succeed academically, at your job and socially. Relationships with others will be strong, and involvement in other activities will flourish. It’s important for us to interact, share and socialize with others.

Listed below are social skills that you should stop and think about and how well you apply these skills to your everyday life:

• Respecting Yourself and Others
• Sharing With Others
• Cooperation
• Friendships
• Having Good Manners
• Listening To Others
• Being Patient and Kind
• Understanding Diversity
• Praise Others
• Positive Mind
• Being Polite
• Can Follow Directions
• Understanding the Process of Communication

Communication:
Learn to identify your style of communication. Which style do you use most? Learn to examine the way you communicate. Take notes in each style. Also, think about whom you feel most comfortable communicating with? Why?

Here is a list of several ways that we can communicate:

• Body Language
• Eye Contact
• Talking
• Dyad Conversations
• Group Conversations
• Tone of Voice
• Facial Expressions
• Silence

Positive Thinking:
Positive thinking is a process of creating thoughts. We create many thoughts within our minds every day. They may be positive thoughts or they may be negative thoughts. Positive thinking is our subconscious and conscious mind working together. Our job is to keep track of what our conscious mind tells our subconscious mind. In order to think positively we need to train our minds to think good thoughts about ourselves, others and things we want to accomplish in life. You are the one in control of your thoughts. Start your day off by thinking three positive thoughts about yourself.

Goals:
Setting a goal requires a lot of planning. It also requires placing it into a specific category or preference. What goal do you want to accomplish first? It is your decision! Keeping a mental image of what your goal is and how you want to see the steps in your goal accomplished is always a great idea. The mind is a powerful tool; we should use it often. Stop and think of one of your goals, now picture it in your mind. What does it look like? What are you proud of? What difficulties do you see?

These are the things needed to be able to set goals; Use a journal and set up these ideas:

• Name Your Goal
• Be Specific
• Be Realistic
• Plan it out: Timeframe, How, When and Where
• Commitment
• Log Your Difficulties and Successes
• Log your goals and visualize them! You will see them become a reality.

Friendship:
Friendship is very special. Do you have special friends that you grew up with? If so, you’re lucky, hold on to them. Understanding and knowing about friendship is imperative. Does your friend share special moments with you, remember your birthday, always there for you, and truly cares about you? Understanding who your true friends are helps one discover the positive people you want in your life and the others you may not.

Driven:
What drives you? Can you recall a moment when you were bored out of your mind and then, suddenly, you found yourself doing something that you really enjoy doing? What causes this? It’s called motivation. It’s something that you just can’t explain. You are driven to do the things that you like to do naturally. Do you have a special gift? What drives you to excel? Think about your motivations and pay attention in what direction they are leading you. You will find you’re driven to accomplish many things you enjoy. Listen to yourself.

The Creative Mind:
Everyone has a creative mind; it depends on whether one decides to use it. Some people are aware that they use their creative mind and others are unaware. What are some ways that we can try to understand if we are using our creative mind? The first way is to not be afraid of it, let it flow naturally and see where it takes you. What do you like to do? Why? Have you ever thought of a new idea or have gotten yourself out of a mess? You used your creative mind. A creative mind works when you find yourself coming up with new ideas and new thoughts about almost anything. It’s up to you whether you decide to grow with it or not. Now sometimes we do things just for fun, but sometimes we truly can become inspired by something and not understand why. Why do we start to do something that we are unsure of? Why do we do different things sometimes? We are using our creative mind.

Having the courage to learn how to recognize and unlock your potential through applying these seven simple steps you will help you take charge of your life and be empowered to take responsibility for your own actions, utilizing self-reflection as you discover more about yourself!

by Michelle Rossi

Michelle Rossi, (White) is a graduate from Oakland University, Rochester, Michigan. She has earned her Bachelor of Science Degree in Elementary Education and a Michigan Teaching Certificate. She is the founder/CEO of the ‘All About Me Program’ that is being utilized throughout many communities. http://www.michellerossiyouareastar.com

If you think too long about the meaning of the word “pressure,” it could create an anxiety attack. Being a man helps one to understand the meaning of this word in ways that only he could understand. The pressure of raising and supporting a family, the pressure of holding a job in a weakened economy, the pressures of making sure he and his family maintain proper health insurance coverage.

Men have always been under some sort of pressure starting as a young child being told to hide their emotions. Hide your emotions? Why? Does it make you ‘soft’ to show emotion? Keeping emotions bottled up can create high levels of stress and anxiety which in turn will lead to serious health problems. Understanding the power of having a healthy mind, body and spirit is imperative for all humans, but something men should focus on to prevent heart attacks, social anxiety, high blood pressure, and diabetes. With these 5 simple steps, any man can take charge of their life: physically, mentally, emotionally and socially.

Improve Your Feelings and Thoughts: You’ve probably been hiding your true feelings since you were a child. If you were upset and wanted to cry you couldn’t. If you felt weak, you had to portray strength. When you didn’t succeed at something you felt you failed… Sound familiar? Do away with it all! Don’t be afraid to express how you truly feel. Women love to hear what a man is thinking or how they feel. Be honest with yourself. The good news is that you have the power to create thoughts. Learn to take negative thoughts or feelings and change them into positive ones. Learning to take control of your life, emotions, fears, strengths and weaknesses is the foundation of creating a healthy mind, body and soul. You will be able to accomplish any dream, goal or task that you plan if you train your mind to think positive thoughts. Your subconscious mind will store these thoughts and you begin to watch your dreams unfold through your actions.

Take Time Out For Something Fun: Create a get -away! Something fun that you love to do. A sport, game, or even taking a simple walk outside. This is your time to free your mind and think of absolutely nothing. This is your time to clear your thoughts and in certain ways recharge. It’s very healthy to take this kind of time out in a day, even if it’s for only 20 minutes. Try it and notice the difference. Do something for yourself, something you enjoy!

Create Goals For Yourself: Create three goals for yourself. Keeping a mental image of what your goal is and how you want to see the steps in your goal accomplished is always a great way to achieve success. The mind is a powerful tool and we should use it often. Stop and think of one of your goals, and visualize it. What does it look like? What are you proud of? What difficulties do you see? These are important tips that help when setting goals. Use a workbook to set up these ideas:

Name Your Goal.
Be Specific
Be Realistic
Plan: Timeframe, How, When and Where Commitment
Log Your Difficulties and Successes

Log your goals and visualize them ! You will see them become a reality.

Get Proper Nutrition and Exercise: You know about proper nutrition and exercise. Now, it’s time to utilize that information to transform your life. Do you know how many calories you should consume a day? Have you ever counted? Do you eat a balanced diet ? Do you need to lose a few pounds? Lower your cholesterol? These are questions you may want to find the answer to. With proper nutrition and exercise you will provide a lifestyle that will create a positive self-image as well as create energetic endorphins through exercise. Which in essence raises your serotonin levels, creating happier moods, naturally. Check into your calorie intake with your doctor and get a nutrition plan in place. Don’t delay, start today. Jump on the treadmill, take a jog, or a walk just 30 minutes a day at least for 3 days out of the week. You will feel the difference in how you feel, plus you’ll be preventing health problems from occurring.

Get Socially Involved: Join a club, sport, or something with a friend or spouse. Get out and mingle. Spend time with friends and family. We use social skills each and every day: conversing with others, sharing with others, greeting people, asking questions, complimenting others, helping others, meeting new people, giving directions, the list never ends. We use our skills in ways that influence how others treat us. The best thing to understand in the art of social skills is to know many, and utilize them as effectively as you can. This creates wonderful relationships, friendships and helps all to co-habitate much easier. So, get involved and share your thoughts, ideas and great social skills with family, friends, new and old.

Learning to take charge of your life with these 5 Simple Steps will unlock your potential and empower you to accomplish any goal in life while learning to self reflect as you discover more about yourself!

by Michelle Rossi

Michelle Rossi, (White) is a graduate from Oakland University, Rochester, Michigan. She has earned her Bachelor of Science Degree in Elementary Education and a Michigan Teaching Certificate. She is the founder/CEO of the ‘All About Me Program’ that is being utilized throughout many communities. http://www.michellerossiyouareastar.com

Demarco sits down with Obvious Magazine to discuss his personal trials and tribulations and why he see them as blessings.

Photography: Jerris Madison for www.jerrismadison.com
Story by Omari J. Faulkner
Stylist and Grooming: J-Mad Styling
CLOTHING PROVIDED EXCLUSIVELY BY H&M
Location: Brooklyn, NY

Jacket
Shirt
Linen Shorts
All H&M www.hm.com

Denim Jeans H&M www.hm.com
Necklace Actor’s Own
Smile Actor’s Own

Jacket H&M www.hm.com
Shorts H&M www.hm.com
Necklace Actor’s Own
Shirt: LA Artist Ramses
Sneakers Calvin Klein www.calvinklien.com

INTERVIEW

Evansville, Indiana born Demarco Majors (currently resides in Brooklyn, NY) is athletic, powerful, bold and empowering a generation of ‘out’ athletes.

Continuing to reach new heights while simultaneously redefining stereotypes of ‘out’ men, DeMarco strives for the same lifestyle as any other male counterpart. After overcoming personal rejection from teammates after coming ‘out‘, DeMarco still persevered to do the one thing he has worked the hardest to be the best in, basketball. Currently, DeMarco is featured on LOGO’s reality series Shirts & Skins and plays guard for the San Francisco Rockdogs. He is also an aspiring writer and an Off-Broadway actor.

While on the road, I had the pleasure of speaking with DeMarco about his life as a basketball player and how he came to realize that he is happy and ‘HAPPY‘.

What is your favorite food?
I absolutely love Triple Cheese Burgers.

What is your idea of a good date?
My idea of a great date is realizing the person with me shares the same passion and drive. Cooking, dinner together, sitting down and relaxing together, going for a long walk and enjoying the perfect serenity of that day.

Can you cook? If so, what is your signature dish?
I love to cook! I’m from the Midwest and you know we eat very hearty. My best meal is smothered pork chops, baked macaroni and cheese, green beans, mashed potatoes and biscuits.

What kind of music do you have in your IPod?
I have little bit of every genre of music, but I am a huge of Neo Soul fan.

Are you religious?
I’m not a religious person. However, I am a spiritual man and I have a very strong belief and faith in God.

What does religion mean to you?
I believe religion is manmade, like organized religion. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing at all. It’s a great thing to worship the Lord and learn new things that you apply to your everyday life that helps you grow in your faith.

Do you have children and/or want children?
I do not have children. Actually, I have never been intimate with a woman. I really want to be a father and raise a family. I am the last male carrying our family name and it would mean the world to me give my son my father’s last name.

How old were you when you came out?
At the age of 24 years of age. I had never been involved with a man or women before. A few years later, I made the decision to open up to my close friends. I took my time in making the right decision for me.
I asked a friend that was in college to take me to a gay bar to see what it was like. While in the bar I called my cousin and put my phone in the air so he could hear the music and I hung up. The very next day he came to pick me up and asked me, “Where were you last night?” I told him that I think I have an attraction to men, but I don’t know because I had never felt like this before in my life. He almost lost his mind screamed so loud, stopped the car and died laughing… and then he had a confession of his own.
When you lost your contract after your secret was out, how did you feel at that moment?
The fact that someone actually considered me to be on there professional team was amazing to me. I worked so hard my whole life. I sacrificed all through high school and never got to play. I worked even harder during college. I was willing to go anywhere in this world to experience my dream of taking basketball as far as I could. It hurt like hell; I was completely devastated when I realized that other players had an issue with my sexuality. That made it hard for me to do my job with passion and conviction. I never flirted with anyone. I encouraged everyone to do their best. I was the first to practice the last to leave motto and I was encouraged to leave it all behind because I didn’t lie about who I loved privately.

How do you feel about it currently?
I’m completely at peace with it now. I knew then that my decision was not about me. I knew I could take the abuse in order to open the door for others to walk through safely, without fear or reservations. Now we have a show on television showcasing my friends and I. Now others have someone to identify with and I know I made the best decision.

Do you wish you would have stayed silent?
No. That help mold me into the man I am today not to mention the lives that have been touched through my experience.

What have you learned from all of this pressure?
I learned how to be a man and accept without complaints the gifts that God gives. I haven’t seen everything He has in store for me. I will walk faithfully to it.

Should other professional athletes come out and say they’re gay?
If it’s right for them, yes. I say by all means, DO IT! However, everything has to be done when your heart is ready not just for the sake of pleasing others. You have to do right by you first.

What are some of your best qualities?
My friends say that some of my best qualities are patience, kindness, great since of humor, compassionate, confident, and a big heart.

If you could change something about yourself, what would it be?
I wouldn’t change a thing. I love the man that I am becoming and accept the man that I am.

Tell me something about you that people would be in smiles to hear?
I am now willing to admit and put myself out there. I am single and I can’t be single forever…LOL!

With Shirts and Skins’ being a reality show, did the show really depict who you are as a person?
I believe the show captured a very small part of my personality…Everyone who talk to me about the show thinks I am a very quiet, serious person.

What do you have going on right now with your career?
I recently finished my first Off-Broadway play, writing a book at the moment, doing another theater project that will tour around the country, and I am auditioning for major feature films as well.

Do you feel you are an attractive man? What is attractive to you?
I do believe that I am an attractive man and not visually…I am a very calm and peaceful person. People always tell me they feel safe and at ease when they’re around me and to me that is attractive because it’s positive energy.

Do you think ‘straight’ women should bear kids with ‘gay’ men? Why?
Yes, however, I believe it should happen with a responsible man. Being heterosexual or homosexual doesn’t matter.

With women knowing your background, why do you feel they STILL want to be intimate with you knowing you are into men?
I am a man. In my experience, some women have told me that they feel cared for, loved, can have deep conversations without being judged, confident, I treat women how a women should be treated and admired, and they find a true friend in me. This is something that I hope to share with everyone that I am close to.

Tell me 5 things you are grateful for and why?
God
I’m grateful to God for having mercy on my life and compassion while blessing me when I know I don’t deserve it and he continues to love me and grants me all that my life needs.

Family
I’m grateful for my family. I am fortunate enough to have a mother who never taught me through her words; she showed me by example. I watched my mother grow up and become an amazing women and the backbone of the entire family. She is the strongest person I have ever had the pleasure to meet in my life. My sisters Aria Price and Brittney Johnson from the very first day that they came home from the hospital I promised God that I will do all that he needs me to do to be there for them. All my cousins, they know who they are and we all are so close and they have always been by my side in dear to my heart. They accepted my through my coming out stage and never thought any different of me.

Best Friends
My best friend, Malcolm Roberts, who was there for me in my darkest days and opened his home to me when I had no where to go and help rehabilitate my heart and mind. Just being around him, allowed me to overcome and become stronger mentally. For that I am so grateful.

Management
My management team Savvy Marketing they are the best friends that you could ever have! They take care of my life and we bond and work as a family…They truly believe in me and I look up to Mark and Savoy like older brothers. They are incredibly special to me and I thank God for them daily.

Fans
Last, but not least, everyone who has been apart or supported my decisions in my career. I am just getting started and the love I have receive from fans all over the world truly humbles me. Out of all the things that they could be doing with their lives, they take time to share there lives with me and are inspired to do as well as become more from our conversation or something I shared in an interview.

Every photographer has his or her explanation of what it is to be raw. Enjoy these pictorials from some of the industry’s best. Photography by Laretta Houston, Tarrice Love, Gregory Prescott, William Elliott Springfield, Corey Reese, and Jerris Madison.

Raw: Perception of a human being. I feel this is another perception of what we are as human beings. We have dismissed the similarities between animal behavior and human behavior. We both have the combination of self preservation of survival, sex and greed (we want, we take).
Laretta Houston
www.larettahouston.com

Left:
Raw to me means, pure uncut, free from shame, free from theopinionsof the world.
Corey Reese
www.coreyreesephotography.com

Right:

Raw is being able to find beauty you believe in and stand behind it unconditionally….
Tarrice Love
www.ice-itsocool.com

Top Left:
Raw is to be stripped of all inhibitions and getting down to the real essence. Raw is purity without any additives, so you can see the true being; the naked truth.
Gregory Prescott
www.gregoryprescott.com

Left Bottom:
Raw: Being you without compromising your artistic integrity and artistic vision. Stopping when needed to reinvent your mind and never stopping your creativity because someone says so.
Image: White Sands Desert, New Mexico
Jerris Madison
www.jerrismadison.com

Right:
The definition of the word ‘raw’ fits my style perfectly, my work is natural, uncultivated, in an unrefined state, harsh, in your face, like flesh after an abrasion RAW, it will sometimes make you cringe, but you still can’t look away.
William Elliott Springfield
www.diaryofaphotographer.com

In the entertainment world, many stars discover by chance exactly what they are capable of. For television, film and commercial actress Yvette Nicole Brown, one chance quickly catapulted her into a successful career on the big and small screens. You might recall seeing those curly tresses and that signature smile in over thirty prime-time commercials for Pine Sol and Big Lots. You’ve even spotted her honing her acting chops debuting on The CW’s now defunct hit sitcom Girlfriends and in her recurring role on Nickelodeon’s Drake & Josh.

This July, expect to see Brown add to her impressive film credits with featured roles in the independent feature film 500 Days of Summer, romantic comedy, The Ugly Truth, and action/thriller, Repossession of Mambo with Jude Law and Forest Whitaker. Brown’s beauty blossoms with this month’s “Relationship Issue,” as the amicable, single and dating ‘thirty-something’ East Cleveland, Ohio native gears up for the cover shoot with style and discusses her inspiration, plans for her already serendipitous career and just how romantic she can be as she lives out her American dream.

Terron: How did you get your first real television role?

Yvette: Girlfriends was truly by chance. I had just been dropped by an agent so God had to be smiling on me. A post card with my pager number made it to casting director Robi Reed literally the week before casting and that got me an audition. I had no agent and no acting credits. I returned the call all unprofessional and ghetto. ‘Did somebody just page me?!’ (laughs) Two months later, I booked ABC’s The Big House which was my first pilot audition. I knew it couldn’t have been anybody but God ordering every one of my steps.

Terron: In these moments, what have you discovered about yourself accidentally?

Yvette: I’ve discovered that I’m a survivor. I came to L.A. with very little money, a dream and two duffle bags. I didn’t really know anybody out here. I kept finding ways to make it work. I never had to go back home and start over. Eating Ramen noodles and sleeping on couches until I saved enough money turned me into a real survivor. (laughs)

Terron: How exactly have you survived the business so far?

Yvette: That’s easy. I’ve survived because of Jesus. I tell people all the time that if you don’t know who you are and whose you are before you get into this business, you’ll look up one day and have behind you a career full of things you don’t believe in and never really wanted to do.

Terron: What haven’t you done yet that you’re anxious to try?

Yvette: I’m not an edgy girl. There are things I just won’t do. I’m thankful my agent knows and respects that. I want to continue to move forward in film and television and hopefully into syndication and get at least three to four years under my belt on a great sitcom. I’m anxious to try something really challenging and dramatic, but still family oriented.

Terron: Speaking of family, which relationships do you value the most?

Yvette: Besides my mom and older brother, I value my friendship with my good friend comedienne Loni Love. She is just a great wealth of knowledge on any and everything. She’s always reading up on something. Even if I call to talk about my 401K, she’s right there like, “Girl, this is what you do.”

Terron: What have you learned the most about relationships?

Yvette: I visited my grandmother in the hospital before she passed away and noticed that everyone there wanted to see people. It was all about seeing the faces of the people you care about the most when it looks like things are coming to an end. We spend so much time accumulating material things, but that’s not what really matters. As for romance, the biggest lesson I’ve learned is that you can never let someone else tell you who you are.

Terron: Can you describe what the current dating scene is like from your perspective?

Yvette: I’m not sure what’s happening so maybe you can tell me a little something. (laughs) I remember the days when you pined long and hard for someone. You had to get your game right first and do your research before the approach because you were genuinely interested. There’s no longsuffering now. People aren’t willing to hang in there. The moment someone messes up it’s like, ‘Okay, I’m out.’

Terron: How has that had an effect on your love life?

Yvette: I’ve always thought about how my life as a single woman has gone unwitnessed by the guy who’s the perfect one for me and much of his life has done the same. Some people say they don’t need anybody else, but why would you want to go through life and not have someone there to say, “Hey, do you remember when we?” or “What about that time we did this?” I mean, would you really not want to have that?

Terron: What is the most romantic thing you’ve ever done for someone?

Yvette: I got new seat covers for my high school boyfriend’s old Mustang, the kind with the head rests that lifted up. I had to cut the material so it fit and then sew it all back together to cover them just right. I did all that for him while he was watching a football game.

Terron: So what kind of man are you attracted to?

Yvette: Christian men who are funny, have an interesting take on life and can find a joke even in the darkest situations. I’m attracted to a guy who loves dogs and wants to get one so he can help me get over my phobia of not being a good dog owner. He really has to like me enough to not want to go out and fool around with anyone else, love children and have dreams of doing something great with his life.

Terron: Who or what inspires you?

Yvette: Being a good person. Finishing this race no matter how long it is and knowing that I haven’t brought harm to anybody along the way. And also people who have built something from nothing. All those people like me who’ve come from places where there’s not much opportunity for what they want to do, but they still find a way out and a way to keep dreaming. The dream is all we have to hold onto.

Terron D. Austin is a writer living in his native Cincinnati, OH. His work has been published in CiN Weekly Magazine & Cincinnati Magazine.

Black in Action with Usman Ojibara

Embrace Usman Ojibara, the newest face to burst into the fashion and film stratosphere, as he launches out and defines his budding career on his own terms. Serving as the cover model for this month’s stunning men’s editorial entitled, “The White Out”, the aspiring actor also celebrates his twenty-third birthday the day this issue is released. We caught up with the former Rutgers University student and Newark, NJ native to talk about his experience behind the camera, his rising star and even his secret crush. Now, don’t get it twisted. This young buff is on the move and has been blessed and equipped with more than just brains and beauty. We introduce to you yet another new face to watch out for in 2009. He’s Usman Ojibara and he’s Black in Action.

Terron: How did you decide to pursue modeling?

Usman: There were fashion shows back in high school. I was asked to do them all the time, but I never really pursued it back then like people thought I should. It wasn’t until I graduated and started working in retail. I’d start running into people who would tell me I should be modeling. I did my first set of work with photographer Lenny Hamilton and that’s what got me excited about all this and into building my portfolio.

TA: You’re aiming to quickly become a force to reckon with by building your acting and modeling portfolios simultaneously. How does that play into your long term career goals?
UO: I always knew I wanted to do something great. Even as far back as elementary school when I was auditioning for plays and eventually getting the leads, I knew that I could develop the acting thing as well. I was very into becoming a different character and doing that on a much more grand scale. I have the passion for both modeling and acting, but acting is definitely where my heart is. I have to get out here and use them both to get to where I want to be.

TA: What was it like for you behind the scenes of this issue’s cover shoot?

UO: I’ve never experienced anything like this at all. It felt like a dream come true because it seemed like all my hard work was paying off. I really got to experience working with a photographer and stylist who saw things in me that I didn’t even see. I know it might sound cliché but this shoot showed me that black is truly beautiful no matter what.

UO: I’m excited because I just became a finalist for the reality TV show The World of Modeling so we’ll see where that goes. Overall, I would love to star in my first movie role and then eventually do something iconic. I really want people to recognize me and my face as Usman – the man, the model, the actor and businessman. I want to have an agent soon and continue getting my acting resume together while I work the modeling path, too. I really feel like my time is coming. I know it’s going to take hard work, but I’m more than ready and this is just the beginning of the success that’s on its way.

UO: I’m very big on giving and education so I’m going to start a scholarship fund back at my high school for students who don’t have the financial means to further their education in college. I didn’t have the finances to return after my first semester so I want to help kids who may encounter the same thing. I’m even going to go back and finish what I started as well.

UO: That’s hard work, too, but actually my girlfriend keeps me balanced. She’s my biggest supporter right now. I think it’s essential for everyone to have that. If you don’t, at least have friends around you that you can turn to and really communicate with. Having someone there is the best pick me up in any situation.

UO: It might surprise people, but I’m the seventh out of eight children. I’ll randomly cook for her or do like we did on our first real date. We’ll go out for a movie and then have dinner or a meal at a nice restaurant where we really just take time to candidly talk and get into each other’s brain.

UO: Oh man. (Laughs) This might get me into trouble, but I’d have to say my first crush in the modeling industry was Tyra Banks. It was that Got Milk ad she was in years ago with the milk mustache. Man, even then as a kid, I fell in love. Then there was actress Vivica Fox. She just had a certain class about her that she brought every time she was onscreen. When I look at her I see a real woman.

TA: What have you learned the most about the dating game in your past relationships?

UO: Be careful. Everyone does not have your best interest at heart. You have to be willing to let people in, but also be careful not to leave yourself open to being wounded. It’ll happen, but there are some things you can avoid by just paying attention and being careful.

UO: I value the fact that relationships are built on trust. Without that, there’s really nothing and if I’m in a relationship that doesn’t have that we simply shouldn’t be together. Above all of this determination in my career, I’m thankful that I have the ability to trust someone I care for at the end of the day. It’s very hard to come by so when you find it, hold onto it.

Terron D. Austin is a writer living in his native Cincinnati, OH. His work has been published in CiN Weekly Magazine & Cincinnati Magazine.

Credits:
Photography by JERRIS MADISON for www.jerrismadison.com
Grooming and Wardrobe by J-Mad Styling

A Story About Relationships

I’m a fan of relationships… yep, all of ‘em: platonic, romantic, dysfunctional; and a sucker for love in every form whether reciprocated, unrequited or life-long. With my reverence for love and relationships, I suspect I’m in the minority. Lord knows the two in tandem can wreak havoc. But lately I’ve noticed a disturbing trend. When did devotion become the enemy? Where is the love?

I used to find it in love songs. But I don’t think those exist anymore. When is the last time you heard something as beautiful as, “All I Do Is Think Of You” by the Jacksons, or “Could It Be I’m Falling In Love?” by the Spinners? Do folks fall in love anymore? Do you?

I don’t know where the trend started. Or why we – yes, all of us are to blame – let love, the idea of love, die. Maybe it’s the microwave society we live in; the one that teaches us that anything worth having is worth having right now. Yeah, I’m guilty of it too. I’m continually in search of the fastest internet connection and Lord knows there has to be a quicker way to get a customer service rep on the phone than screaming “Operator” until my vocal chords shred.

But I digress; we were talking about the death of love and relationships.

Maybe it happened when folks stopped hanging in there with each other.

Sidebar: I’m not even talking about marriage, who gets married these days? Folks are too concerned with their bottom line; negotiating the pre-nup by the second date. I don’t know how you can make a go of it if when you’re already plotting the end of it. But don’t listen to me; I’m sentimental and digressing again…

When I said folks stopped “hanging in there” I meant as boyfriend/girlfriend. Darn that pesky upgrade mentality. You know the upgrade? Upgrade says: why stick with the one you’re with when the one you ‘can have’ is right over there… and they’re hotter! Yay, hotter!

Upgrade aside, maybe love and relationships have died because we’re too focused on the wrong things… like making love… in the club. Yeah, I’ve heard that song. I’m not a fan.

If that’s the case, let me just say to the men who are forsaking no one in the pursuit of that thing (and you know what thing I’m talking about).

Women are great at and for lots of things. And yes, making love (hopefully NOT in the club) is one of them; but it’s the least of our gifts, trust! I’m going to tell you about a few of our other attributes because I fear a lot of you guys — on the grind with your fabulous selves — don’t realize what you’re missing when you don’t go deeper… and no that wasn’t a double entendre. Take note that the qualities I’m about to mention are found in good women. So if you don’t find them on display in the woman you are currently with, let that be a lesson to ya. That little disclaimer aside, here we go… we (good) women are wonderful problem solvers and encouragers. When we believe in you no one sings your praises louder or longer. When you need a word, no one prays stronger. When you need help, no one can make sense of things better. We are ride-or-die, when we love you. When we love you, there is no one more loyal. We are nurturers and way-makers. If you bring us your dream we will roll up or sleeves and do our best to bring it to fruition. And let’s talk about the basics, yes, we can cook, clean, organize your life and have and raise your babies. All of which we will gladly do, when we feel appreciated by you… you’d be surprised how little it takes to make us feel appreciated. We are all this, much more and yes, even good in bed. But you’re missing out when that’s all you see us as and use us for.

And to the ladies… please come out of the shallows, and understand that what he drives, where he lives and where he works is NOT the sum of the man. Those trivial, transitory things don’t even scratch the surface of what makes him great and possibly great for you. His heart, his character, his dreams, his vision, his relationship with his mother and hopefully the Lord are the things you should be checking out and checking for. Is he responsible, caring, and considerate? Can he make a baby laugh? Can he comfort you when you’re crying? Is he brave enough to give you his heart? Can he trust that you will protect it? Will you protect it?

Tough questions. Yep, no one said love and relationships were easy, especially not in this age where “hooking up” is the rage. But that’s what makes them worthwhile?

And a word about all that “hooking up”, yeah, it’s easy and there’s no string attached. Still, I don’t see a lot of folks who are happy… at least not in the long run. And if it’s true, that indiscriminate hooking up doesn’t bring happiness, don’t you think it’s time to try something new? Well, something old, really. Can we try going back to the way they used to do it back in the day? Back when folks learned about each other before giving themselves to each other. Can we wait awhile — like Janet said — at least until we know each other’s mama’s names? Can we re-attach some strings? Can we rediscover how to love?

I’m telling you, love is the business!

Remember staying up all night, staring at the ceiling because you just couldn’t get that person off your mind? Remember the butterflies that came at the mention of their name? Remember counting the days, even minutes until you were going to see them again, even if it was just two seconds before life pulled you both in different directions again? And once you were in it, remember thinking that no one, NO ONE measured up to the one you loved? No one even came close! Whoo! That, my friends, was LOVE and I miss it!

I know it’s no longer the age of “Could It Be…” and “All I Do…” and yeah, I’m sad about it. But I’m not giving up. Even in a world of indiscriminate hook-ups, break-ups and pessimistic pre-nups, real love is worth finding… at least I believe it is.

Who’s with me?

by Yvette Nicole Brown, Celebrity Guest Writer
Yvette Nicole Brown is a film and television actress. This Ohio native resides in Los Angeles.
Photo: TINA B. HENDERSON for www.tinabphotos.com