Where is the love?

A Story About Relationships

I’m a fan of relationships… yep, all of ‘em: platonic, romantic, dysfunctional; and a sucker for love in every form whether reciprocated, unrequited or life-long. With my reverence for love and relationships, I suspect I’m in the minority. Lord knows the two in tandem can wreak havoc. But lately I’ve noticed a disturbing trend. When did devotion become the enemy? Where is the love?

I used to find it in love songs. But I don’t think those exist anymore. When is the last time you heard something as beautiful as, “All I Do Is Think Of You” by the Jacksons, or “Could It Be I’m Falling In Love?” by the Spinners? Do folks fall in love anymore? Do you?

I don’t know where the trend started. Or why we – yes, all of us are to blame – let love, the idea of love, die. Maybe it’s the microwave society we live in; the one that teaches us that anything worth having is worth having right now. Yeah, I’m guilty of it too. I’m continually in search of the fastest internet connection and Lord knows there has to be a quicker way to get a customer service rep on the phone than screaming “Operator” until my vocal chords shred.

But I digress; we were talking about the death of love and relationships.

Maybe it happened when folks stopped hanging in there with each other.

Sidebar: I’m not even talking about marriage, who gets married these days? Folks are too concerned with their bottom line; negotiating the pre-nup by the second date. I don’t know how you can make a go of it if when you’re already plotting the end of it. But don’t listen to me; I’m sentimental and digressing again…

When I said folks stopped “hanging in there” I meant as boyfriend/girlfriend. Darn that pesky upgrade mentality. You know the upgrade? Upgrade says: why stick with the one you’re with when the one you ‘can have’ is right over there… and they’re hotter! Yay, hotter!

Upgrade aside, maybe love and relationships have died because we’re too focused on the wrong things… like making love… in the club. Yeah, I’ve heard that song. I’m not a fan.

If that’s the case, let me just say to the men who are forsaking no one in the pursuit of that thing (and you know what thing I’m talking about).

Women are great at and for lots of things. And yes, making love (hopefully NOT in the club) is one of them; but it’s the least of our gifts, trust! I’m going to tell you about a few of our other attributes because I fear a lot of you guys — on the grind with your fabulous selves — don’t realize what you’re missing when you don’t go deeper… and no that wasn’t a double entendre. Take note that the qualities I’m about to mention are found in good women. So if you don’t find them on display in the woman you are currently with, let that be a lesson to ya. That little disclaimer aside, here we go… we (good) women are wonderful problem solvers and encouragers. When we believe in you no one sings your praises louder or longer. When you need a word, no one prays stronger. When you need help, no one can make sense of things better. We are ride-or-die, when we love you. When we love you, there is no one more loyal. We are nurturers and way-makers. If you bring us your dream we will roll up or sleeves and do our best to bring it to fruition. And let’s talk about the basics, yes, we can cook, clean, organize your life and have and raise your babies. All of which we will gladly do, when we feel appreciated by you… you’d be surprised how little it takes to make us feel appreciated. We are all this, much more and yes, even good in bed. But you’re missing out when that’s all you see us as and use us for.

And to the ladies… please come out of the shallows, and understand that what he drives, where he lives and where he works is NOT the sum of the man. Those trivial, transitory things don’t even scratch the surface of what makes him great and possibly great for you. His heart, his character, his dreams, his vision, his relationship with his mother and hopefully the Lord are the things you should be checking out and checking for. Is he responsible, caring, and considerate? Can he make a baby laugh? Can he comfort you when you’re crying? Is he brave enough to give you his heart? Can he trust that you will protect it? Will you protect it?

Tough questions. Yep, no one said love and relationships were easy, especially not in this age where “hooking up” is the rage. But that’s what makes them worthwhile?

And a word about all that “hooking up”, yeah, it’s easy and there’s no string attached. Still, I don’t see a lot of folks who are happy… at least not in the long run. And if it’s true, that indiscriminate hooking up doesn’t bring happiness, don’t you think it’s time to try something new? Well, something old, really. Can we try going back to the way they used to do it back in the day? Back when folks learned about each other before giving themselves to each other. Can we wait awhile — like Janet said — at least until we know each other’s mama’s names? Can we re-attach some strings? Can we rediscover how to love?

I’m telling you, love is the business!

Remember staying up all night, staring at the ceiling because you just couldn’t get that person off your mind? Remember the butterflies that came at the mention of their name? Remember counting the days, even minutes until you were going to see them again, even if it was just two seconds before life pulled you both in different directions again? And once you were in it, remember thinking that no one, NO ONE measured up to the one you loved? No one even came close! Whoo! That, my friends, was LOVE and I miss it!

I know it’s no longer the age of “Could It Be…” and “All I Do…” and yeah, I’m sad about it. But I’m not giving up. Even in a world of indiscriminate hook-ups, break-ups and pessimistic pre-nups, real love is worth finding… at least I believe it is.

Who’s with me?

by Yvette Nicole Brown, Celebrity Guest Writer
Yvette Nicole Brown is a film and television actress. This Ohio native resides in Los Angeles.
Photo: TINA B. HENDERSON for www.tinabphotos.com