#AskDrJeanelle: Witness to verbally abused by my father

by Dr. Jeanelle • November 2013 • Advice, Blog • Comments (0) • 168

Question:

I am a 22-year-old woman who saw my mother get verbally abused by my father my whole life. It made me think that marriage was a lie. I go out on dates, but as soon as it gets too serious I end it; I just don’t want to get hurt. I want true love but trusting someone enough to give of myself unconditionally is hard? How do I do this?

#AskDrJeanelle: Seeing your mother being abused by your father is a lot to take in when you’re young, but now that you are an adult you have to consciously make an effort to recondition your thinking. This will be a hard pill to swallow, however, it must be said. What happened in your mother and father’s relationship shouldn’t have anything to do with your future relationships, whether good or bad. In order for you to have the loving and trusting relationship you’re wanting you’ve got to realize you are not your mother and neither is every man like your father. Look at it like this, although what you and your mother experienced was tragic, you learned something; you now know what you want or don’t want in a relationship. It’s going to be a challenge at first, but you have to open yourself up to loving someone and being loved.

When you are feeling yourself wanting to end a relationship, pause first and then ask:

1) Why do I want to end this relationship?

2) Is it a legitimate reason?

3) Are they really hurting me? and most importantly,

4) What am I really running from?

Once you can honestly answer theses questions you’ll know where you are and you can start renewing your mind. True love is possible when you go in giving everyone the benefit of the doubt until you have a reason to think otherwise.

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With a Doctorate in Counseling and over 15 years experience in motivating people through her nonprofit The Blk Sheep Foundation™, Dr. Jeanelle Gordon prides herself in being a person of honesty and truth. She lives to inspire people to Stand Up and Stand Out! Dr. Jeanelle teaches how to have a better life through her books, articles and speaking engagements. Social Media: @DrJeanelle for Twitter/Instagram. @BlkSheepMovemnt/Twitter.
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Have a question or need advice? You can e-mail Dr. Jeanelle at: jeanealle [at] obviousmag [dot] com.