Spicing Up Your Marriage and Sex Life

ADVICE:

Spirit,

I got married at a young age – I’m 30 now, my husband is 34 and we’ve been married 7 years. My husband & I have three children. What I want to know, Spirit, is how do I spice up the marriage and put bad situations & arguments in the past? I want to have more sex and bring back what we had when we were younger, but I don’t know how I can stay married to a man who is a “know-it-all” and now all of a sudden wants to change how I am in almost every way. He’s been a truck driver now for almost a year and he tries to be so controlling because he’s jealous and he thinks he knows it all. Help Spirit!    Sincerely, “L.”

Answer:

“L:”

First and foremost, you’re not going to be able to have more sex until you get rid of the other issues in your marriage because they’re suffocating the intimacy between the two of you. Your love for each other can’t breathe.

Secondly, the bad situations & arguments ARE in the past, the key is to get the two of you to stop living in the past and to start living in the moment. Marriages aren’t about keeping score about who did what and how long ago, they’re about being a better YOU today than you were yesterday so that you, your partner, your children and your marriage can start reaping the benefits. The best way to do that is to stop keeping track of all that he did wrong and keep your eyes fixed on what you can do right. Now I know it’s easier said than done, but I’m going to give you some tips right now to get you moving in the right direction.

You have to be willing to take each issue piece by piece & not lump them all together. When relationships get off track, we have a tendency to lump everything that’s going wrong into one big pile and the real issues can never get sorted out that way. Instead you & your partner have 2 set aside some time to tackle the issues.

1. Step is to bring your concern to your partner. NOT the concerns but the concern that things are off track.
2. You both agree to set a relationship meeting. Both of you come to the meeting with an open heart, an open mind and lots of paper. I prefer the big wall POST-It Notes.
3. If one or both of you come from a spiritual background, pray out loud together that the Creator will bless your meeting.
4. Set the ground rules for how you are going to communicate so that if tension starts to mount and things get heated, you have a point to come back to in order to regain your peace with one another (ie…Speaker-Listener Technique).
5. Remember this is not a vent session. It is a time to be constructive, so stay on the same TEAM, focus on the PROBLEM & not the person (and no the person isn’t the problem, lol), so identify the problem, set a goal (together), and agree on the steps you’re going to take TOGETHER to get to that goal. In each meeting you may only be able to tackle a few problems at a time. I recommend no more than 3 (remember…it’s taken months/years to get in this situation, so you can’t fix all of it over night).

Sign a contract with one another to seal the deal.

End each meeting on a positive note that reinforces your love for the person & your commitment to making your relationship work.

By Spirit  Love, Sex and Relationship Expert
www.talk2spirit.com