Devin Nunes: Ongoing Corrupt ‘Cow’ Beef – Parody

Devin Nunes: Ongoing Corrupt ‘Cow’ Beef – Parody

·
Opinion
·

I’m not objective here. This story is about how I became a Twitter troll called Devin Nunes’ Antifa Skunk –a gleeful David and Goliath story where Devin Nunes plays a flailing Goliath being driven mad by a mosquito swarm of Twitter accounts with names like Devin Nunes’ Cow, Devin Nunes’ Mom, and DevinNunes’ Penis, claiming to be his animals, relatives and body parts. 

Since I, Skunk, am part of that herd, it would be disingenuous to say that I’m above any of it. Because I am untrustworthy, I am separating fact from opinion by stating: “FACT” when something I claim here is undeniable, according to highly respected sources. Everything else I say should be considered suspect, so please take me as a parody. 

The Cow is not a Cow 

Fact: The Cow is not a cow any more than I am a skunk. The cow is a person who made a Twitter account in the name Devin Nunes’ Cow, @DevinCow and CLAIMED to be Devin Nune’s Cow. 

Most people would immediately realize that no real-world cow ever had a Twitter account, given the apparent awkwardness of typing with hooves, unless there is some kind of new cow keyboard that I haven’t heard about. The cow is not a cow. The cow is a person. They are ALL people who opened accounts as animals on Twitter and elsewhere. 

Devin Nunes is suing, specifically, 1. Devin Nunes’ Cow, a Twitter account who claims to live on his dairy farm, and 2. Devin Nunes’ Mom and/or Devin Nunes’ Alt-Mom,” who some say is the original @DevinNunesMom mom, which I cannot verify. 

Devin has sued for defamation and lost, over and over, which is considered the definition of insanity in some circles. Yet his enthusiasm does not wane, even though it continues to make things worse for him. 

He’s also sued Sacramento Bee, MSNBC, GOP political strategist, Liz Mair, Esquire’s Ryan Lizza, CNN, and probably more people than I can keep up with. 

“In her endless barrage of tweets, Devin Nunes’ Mom maliciously attacked every aspect of Nunes’ character, honesty, integrity, ethics, and fitness to perform his duties as a United States Congressman.” – Nunes Complaint

One of the reasons Devin’s suing Twitter trying to force a revelation of the names of people behind some accounts so that he can also sue them. He wants $250 million. Not only is Devin missing his sense of humor, but he also doesn’t understand something called the Streisand effect. 

“In March 2019, US (California) Representative Devin Nunes filed a defamation lawsuit against Twitter and three users for US$250 million in damages. One user named in the lawsuit, the parody account @DevinCow (Name: Devin Nunes’ cow), had 1,200 followers before the lawsuit. The number of followers of @DevinCow soon jumped to 600,000.” – Wikipedia 

This suing is strange because… 

Fact: Devin Nunes is the co-sponsor of the “Discouraging Frivolous Lawsuits Act” Do you wonder why Johnny Depp sued Amber Heard in Virginia instead of California? The reason is that California has laws against SLAPP suits, intimidation lawsuits (or frivolous lawsuits). 

This is also why Milk Dud sues in Virginia. Since California doesn’t tolerate frivolous lawsuits or SLAPP suits, Devin sues in Virginia, where frivolous lawsuits are, or maybe were, encouraged. I’m sure the Virginia extended stay hotels are happy about that. 

It’s going badly for Devin 

  • Fact: Today, as I write, Devin Nunes’ cow @DevinCow has 760k+ followers 
  • Fact: Today, as I write, Devin Nunes’ Alt-Mom @NunesAlt has 128k+ followers 

Being a Cow has Advantages 

Being a cow, in a sense, makes Cow more human and more believable than Devin. Cow had no power until Devin gave it to her. Now she’s famous with the advantage of anonymity, which is precisely what Devin is suing about. You can’t sue somebody if you don’t know their legal name, physical address, or a bank account number. 

Devin has no target at which to channel his rage, while we have Devin to direct our rage against. We grow in both size and number, bolstered by virtual non-existence. 

Donate to Cow’s Legal Fund 

It Did Not End There

Oh no, it did not. As word spread that Devin was suing “animals” and “relatives,” an entire herd of “animals” and “relatives” sprung up all over the Twitterverse. We became known as “The Herd.” The Herd is so large now can get confusing to try and keep them all straight. 

There are many cows now, but only one real cow, “Cow,” @Devin- Cow who Devin, or “Milk Dud” as we call him, is suing. 

#DevinNunesIsAnIdiot trended 
#DirectorOfButtLicking trended

 

Satire Twitter Accounts Dedicated to Devin Nunes

The Fine Art of the Makeover 

Drag is the visual artist of the Herd. She is SO prolific. I love Drag so much that I did this homage to her and her beyotchy makeovers of common enemies. I picture her looking just like she does on her profile which she couldn’t possibly. This is favoritism, yes. Over time one forms bonds. What can I say? I love her. 

Getting Roped In 

I learned about Cow and Mom because I was interested in attorney Steven Biss. I disliked him because of his involvement in another SLAPP suit that he perpetrated against someone I know and respect. I was mad but knew better than to get directly involved with a serial suer. The herd came to the rescue with a safe place for my aggression. Almost everyone who hired Steven Biss was worthy of my disdain. 

Devin Nunes’ Antifa Skunk 

I chose to become Antifa Skunk because I wanted to be a wild animal with an arsenal at my disposal. I did not have a skunk on my profile, but when I started writing this article, I licensed this image because I feel you need something to picture me as. This is very disingenuous. I just licensed this picture today from Adobe Stock. I did not draw it myself, even though I went to art school.

The Herd 

We call ourselves “The Herd” There are roughly 300 of us. We hang out in a Twitter Group called “Barn Dance.” Sometimes, we talk animal talk, which is a simpler version of English. “Skunk happy.” “Skunk no spray U ’cause friend.” 

As the herd grew and evolved, many contributed to the art form. Somebody made a website for Devin’s 2020 campaign with articles like: “Devin Nunes Shits Himself Waiting for FBI” and “Nunes Needs Dark Money, Sues Again.” 

Truth Social 

Things were going SO badly for Milk Dud and his friend, Donald J. Trump, that they decided to start their version of Twitter called “Truth.” Milk Dud abandoned his Congressional office in mid-service and to lead Truth Social. 

Who better to head a social media enterprise than someone so soundly defeated by the one they now seek to imitate? He spent time and money scrubbing, redirecting, complaining, editing, catching, killing, copying, plagiarizing, and building. 

The result is that Truth is a lot like Twitter but more boring since it lacks many of Twitter’s features. So far, it’s not very successful. Access is limited to users in US and Canada. There are about 2m users compared to Twitter’s 330m active users. 

Truth is Lacking 

There’s almost nothing on there about the January 6 Committee. Liz Cheney does not exist, and Ivanka is nowhere to be found. If you look up anything “woke,” you’ll have trouble finding it. Here is a list of some people you are NOT on Truth: Jared Kushner, Steve Bannon, Gregg Abbot, *** There’s a Mitt Romney, a Barron Trump, and a Mark Meadows, but they’re not verified. 

“Truth Social, the social media network Donald Trump launched after being kicked off of Twitter, has not exactly been the runaway success its backers had clearly hoped. 

As of late March, “daily active users” were reportedly clocking in at 513,000, compared to Twitter’s roughly 217 million visitors, despite Trump Media & Technology Group, the company behind Truth Social, boldly claiming it would not only disrupt fellow social media networks, but “Amazon, Apple, Netflix, and Google as well.” – Vanity Fair 

The Ugly Truth: A Short Design Critique 

What you see is it, meaning that if you open the window wider, you will see a gray border. A partial beacon that beams purple from the upper left-hand corner makes me vaguely uncomfortable like I need to adjust my screen, but the window does not adjust to stretching. Nothing lines up. The only paragraph with information is repeated twice, verbatim. What becomes clear is that Truth is a place where people like “Nick Samso,” @nicksam98, are welcome to whine about interest rates and the pandemic. 

Fact: I checked, and there is no Nick Samso, @nicksam98, on Truth (except this fake one on the main page) or anywhere else I could find online. 

My Personal Truth 

The only responsible thing to do if I was going to tell this story was to go on Truth Social myself. It would be disingenuous not to. It’s a lot like Twitter, only more boring with red checks to verify people instead of blue ticks. I found a @DevinCow on Truth but the real cow told me it’s an imposter account. The legitimate herd shuns Truth for the most part. 

The ugly truth is that Truth is ugly. But for you, dear readers, I persisted. I created an account, and since it had to be verified by a phone number, I pulled out my burner in the service of accountability.

Why Do We Troll Devin, and Is it Okay?

Social media is not easily controlled because we, the trolls, are not easily contained. We are here, and we are taking sides. Taking sides is a powerful human inclination that traces directly back to our primate ancestry to the point that it is challenging to look at rationally. And now, all it takes is a click. 

We are all primates, and primates immediately take sides in any dispute. They literally turn their backs on those who they are against the minute a dispute arises. I have personally observed this type of monkey behavior repeatedly, the monkeys that is, and watching those monkeys made me realize how humans are exactly the same, only with a thin veneer of “civilization.” 

Fact: I worked with monkeys at Helping Hands: Monkey Helpers. 

The crowd is the same everywhere, in all periods and cultures; it remains essentially the same among men of the most diverse origin, education, and language. Once in being, it spreads with the utmost violence. Few can resist its contagion; it always wants to go on growing and there are no inherent limits to its growth. It can arise wherever people are together, and its spontaneity and suddenness are uncanny.

– Elias Canetti, Crowds and Power

Devin is a Bad Monkey 

I say Devin is a bad, bad monkey. Many in my troop agree. Given the instantaneous nature of anything online, social media is made for anarchic, instant voting, which jives well with our most primate of tendencies. 

Given the hugeness of the human population, being a troll with a troop, or as we say in LA, a gang gives me the power I would not otherwise have. My gang membership reminds me that I am not alone and amplifies my tiny voice into some actual attention. 

I have comrades in the fight against our common enemy (Devin) who has enabled us by becoming a clown. 

We, the monkeys, are sick and tired of lies and entitlements. When someone crosses a line, we are ready to attack. We are an anarchy. Our power is the power of the crowd, which can almost instantaneously come to a census and act. 

Fair Game 

It’s okay to troll Milk Dud because he deserves it. Just as it’s kind of okay when Dexter kills bad people because he has a code, in the same way, it was okay for me to pinch the guy who put his hand on my leg on the plane.

He was officially FAIR GAME. HE, not I, had stepped over the line first –that step moved the line. Devin’s childish litigiousness is more than his overall dishonesty. 

His pretend farmer personality, puppy-like fealty to Trump, lies about water, and lawsuits have earned him the wrath of my inner skunk-monkey, uncaged and ready to spray havoc. Sue THIS, Devin! (parody) Simply running for office means that you are a public person who must be able to take a joke. 

If you cannot, you are FAIR GAME. Other monkeys will back me up on this. You can’t sue us all. 

Our mutual disdain binds us for our common enemy. 

We the Trolls 

There needs to be accountability. Devin is in court in Virginia. We are in the court of public opinion. 

We are fighting for our right to make fun. It is essentially a fight for the truth. It’s a serious fight; however, it is played out ridiculously. Ridicule is the only sharp weapon in the arsenal of the non-violent warrior. The ridiculous do not belong in power. We do not take them down with guns but with wit. 

Although we are having fun, we are not playing. We do not accept Milk Dud’s surveillance policies or his denial of our drought. We think he should follow his own, self-proposed law and stop suing people who disagree with him. 

This cow thing is, in my opinion, art. A massive collaborative artwork whose medium is the Internet and whose goal is reminding politicians who they represent. 

If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.

– George Orwell

And Now, a Word From Liz Mair

“I hope that this judgment will dissuade other government and political figures from attempting to use litigation as a cudgel to stifle free speech. 

This lawsuit did not succeed in silencing me, and nor should lawsuits like it be allowed to silence other Americans exercising their God-given rights to free speech, especially where they do so in an effort to hold their government accountable. 

“While I admit to being less interesting than a fake, anonymous barnyard animal on Twitter, this case should nonetheless be firmly recorded in the history books as an instance of where our democratic republic safeguarded essential civil liberties and stood strong for freedom. I hope that it will always do so, for the benefit of all Americans.” – Liz Mair 

Liz Mair has been dropped by the suit.

#WhoFunds DevinsLawsuits

It’s a question that’s on everyone’s lips. 

“Nunes’ $174,000 congressional salary is reportedly his main source of income, so McClatchy [parent company of The Fresno Bee] notes it’s unlikely he’s simply paying out of pocket. 

He could theoretically rely on a benefactor by setting up a legal defense fund, but he would have had to disclose that since members of Congress have strict rules against receiving gifts. 

“The most plausible theory, campaign finance, and legal experts seem to think, is that he’s paying his lawyer, Steven Biss, by promising a contingency fee, which isn’t mentioned by House Ethics rules and likely doesn’t require disclosure. 

A contingency fee means representation receives a percentage of monetary damages Nunes would be awarded if he wins the lawsuits. So, in such an instance, a lawyer would front the costs and then bank on a big payoff down the line. 

But McClatchy reports that most lawyers aren’t too keen on relying solely on the possibility of a win, so contingency fees aren’t too common.” – The Week 

Under Federal Investigation 

“Federal prosecutors are scrutinizing a billion-dollar merger between a blank-check company and former President Donald Trump’s social media startup, the company revealed in a regulatory filing Monday. 

Last week, a federal grand jury in New York issued subpoenas to Digital World Acquisition Corp., the special purpose acquisition company merging with Trump Media & Technology Group, as well as members of Digital World’s board of directors. 

Digital World revealed in a December 2021 filing that the Securities and Exchange Commission and Financial Industry Regulatory Authority were each probing the deal with Trump Media. 

In Monday’s filing, the company said the grand jury and SEC had subpoenaed similar information “regarding, among other things, Digital World’s due diligence regarding (Trump Media)” and related communications.” – CBS News 

Latest Update!

And now, it would appear that Donald Trump and Donald Trump, Jr. have left the board of Trump Media and Technology Group, leaving Devin holding the bag. 

More to come, no doubt, in the tale of the slightly unhinged adventures of a Milk Dud.

Want the latest posts, offers, and exclusive content straight to your inbox? Subscribe to our newsletter and never miss out again. Read more Opinion articles here.

ADVERTISEMENT